my vag is so smooth its legendary
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
