this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Banned from zoo.
Again?
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Randomize
