Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
