Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
