I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Randomize
