rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
