Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
