ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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