Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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