It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
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