She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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