it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Randomize
