4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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