you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize
