i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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