it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Randomize
