I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
