I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
