Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
