my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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