he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
