I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize