that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
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