I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Randomize
