Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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