If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
