yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize
