ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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