He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
