girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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