Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Threesome in a minivan. New low
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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