I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
