I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
So I just went to clothing optional bar
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Randomize
