Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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