Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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