That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Randomize
