mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
