Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize