Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
