I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
