Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
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