my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize