I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
