Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Randomize
