So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
