based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Randomize