News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
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