I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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