First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Randomize
