Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Randomize
