I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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