tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize