The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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