before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
