i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Randomize
