No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
