just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize