his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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