I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I don't deserve a penis
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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