my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
My feet surprised me
Randomize
