sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
