I hope mine doesn't look like that
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
