I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
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