Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
