you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
