two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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