You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
