i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
