I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
There's always time for handjobs
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
Randomize
