the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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