That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Randomize
