I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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