I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize