New low: just hacked my moms facebook
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
