I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
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