I wanna bring you to show and tell
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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