you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
