Don't make out with my wife yet
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
