my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
