At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
