We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
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