You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
