shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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