not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Randomize