Plan B is the new Plan A
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize