I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
