best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Randomize
