i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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