i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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