I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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