based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
