Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
